That’s a Kick in the Jools…. by Steve Gray


Jools Oliver

I have it all – I married my childhood sweetheart, we’ve been together 12 years, we have 4 lovely kids and my husband has called me a perfect wife and mother. He even plaits the girl’s hair.

But never mind all that, is the pig cheating on me?
Is Jools Oliver confident where Jamie Oliver and other women are concerned? She’s recently said: “Yeah, I’ll check his emails. I’ll check his Twitter. I’ll check his phone. Everything seems fine. He says I’m a jealous girl, but I think I’m fairly laid-back, considering.”

Allow yourself to pause just long enough to get your breath back, lads. It’s a bit like hearing an alcoholic say, “I don’t have a drinking problem – as long as I’m tanked on Stella 24/7 I’m all good”.

Jamie Oliver at home
Quick.... Jools isn't looking!
In one respect Jools’ remarks are no different from some of women who believe they are entitled to ‘do a 1984’. But her statement is rife with insecurity & contradictions: She has said pretty clearly “Yes, I do trust him – I know he’s not being unfaithful because I monitor every form of possible contact he has with the outside world”.

That trust thing seems to be a very short leash indeed. When she defends this by saying she’s ‘fairly laid back, considering’. Considering what? Well, considering the fact that he can be away for 4 days, and “those 4 days feel like 4 years”? There seems to be something of an emotional landslide happening there. It’s extremely romantic to miss someone so absolutely that time seems to stand still, but in light of her surveillance regime it doesn’t seem quite so cuddly, and is perhaps a little insulting to Jamie who, by all accounts, has never put a foot wrong and dotes on every member of his lovely family.

I beg to differ with Mrs. Oliver’s version of trust, (and infidelity). In fact, so do a lot of men who have been subjected to the same treatment. I’ve asked women about this and they all went slack of jaw when faced with this philosophy too. Not all women do it, not the one’s who are firmly anchored emotionally, anyway. But that’s not the point. Should it be tolerated at all?

Okay, nobody likes a cheat, and women, (and men), deserve to know when they are being sidelined so they can take control of their lives. But I’m pretty sure there are other ways of doing this without losing the moral highground. Observing evidence of turbulence in the relationship perhaps? If evidence is so thin that you have to snoop maybe it’s because there’s no crime, Columbo! 

Jools Oliver, Leopard Print Shoes
Jools knows that tea & leopard print is the only way to keep a man

What’s more disconcerting is the perception that this is normal. Maybe there are many women who harbour deep insecurities and who, (rightly or wrongly), distrust their partners so severely they have practically set up a nanny cam in their jockeys. It’s probably even essential for these people to low-jack their boyfriends if they are to make it through a dinner party and several glasses of Vino Destructo without turning their mascara-soaked face to their partner to accuse them publicly of nothing much in particular. But if the fella isn’t engaged in extra-curricular activities and has been nothing but loving and supportive why should he allow himself to be subjected to these not-so-subtle tests of his loyalty?

Speak to anybody in a genuinely trusting relationship and the concept of partner surveillance is considered bizarre. In fact, it exhibits a level of disrespect and underhanded chicanery which is every bit as distasteful as infidelity itself. 

Whose cheating who?

All about Steve.....

Steve Gray trained as a journalist, working for several years in local newspapers before realising that if he was going to be badly paid he may as well go freelance. He is also a keen photographer, competitive fencer and closet DIY enthusiast.

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  1. Nice blog Steve! I do find it interesting that when questioned Jools says that she checks all emails, phones and social networks. It does appear that there is little trust there, from her point of view at least.

    Jamie Oliver unfaithful? It's important to note I think that he has a face that only a mother and a childhood sweetheart with one keen eye on his burgeoning current account could love.

    That sounds catty and was meant to, but I'm sure that there is a modicum of truth in my assumption.

  2. A fair point. Maybe Jools is actually scanning the virtual horizon for herds of gold-digging homewreckers in order to protect Jamie. What happened to women's intuition? Did social networks and SMS somehow disturb the force somehow? Surely if she reaches out with her intuition she will know she's already got him for good.

  3. Never under estimate the craziness of women when they think their man's looking for suthin else. I'm more of the thought that if he wants to put it somewhere else its best he GOES somewhere else. Men!!


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